Have you ever been called a ‘good girl’?

I have. And it wasn’t always a compliment.

So who exactly is this unicorn of a person?

>> She gives others space and waits her turn, even though she’s ready to run.

>> She goes along with the status quo even when her instinct or curiosity wants her to explore something different.

>> She prefers to intellectualize problems, rather than listen to her intuition.

>> She forgives or overlooks others’ bad behaviour, so as not to rock the boat.

>> She’s highly responsible and does what needs to be done, even when she needs a break.

>> She avoids participating if it means she may be exposed as not knowing or doing it well.

And no matter how perfect she tries to make herself and the world around her, she never feels like she’s done enough to be good enough.

If you nodded YES to any of these points, you may have ‘good girl’ syndrome, just like I did.

At some point in my teens, I started rebelling against these expectations but some elements followed me through the decades showing up in friendships, with boyfriends, and of course, at work.

 And I swear, it really got under my skin.

But I struggled to name it and change it.

You see, as ‘good girls’, we’ve got some ✨magical✨ *ish going on too. 

We’re big-hearted, givers by nature.

We’re compassionate, empathetic, and kind.

We’re rooted, grounded, and a stable force for people around us.

And above all else we want everyone to feel happy, joyful, and loved.

These are our superpowers! But here’s where it all went too far.

My ‘good girl’ had taken over and went into major overdrive.

I’d gotten so used to playing a never-ending game of Twister with my life that it became a default pattern. A habit that became my normal way of being, even without realizing it.

The result?

Too many years in jobs, with guys, and with friends that weren’t a true match for me. Always leading with your ‘good girl’ can create exactly that. It’s like you end up out of alignment, living someone else’s life.

Something had to change. I had to transition from ‘good girl’ to ‘great woman’. And I did.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m still a ‘good girl’ at heart. I want to see everyone happy & winning. But I’m way more in balance now than I’ve ever been. It took leaving people & situations behind but honestly, it truly transformed into the best of both worlds.

So, if your ‘good girl’ is running the show & wrecking havoc, here are 3 quick tips to help you grow into your own version of a great woman at work.

Lean into conflict, debate, and differences of opinion

These are helpful tools, especially in the workplace. They can feel uncomfortable but they also help us collaborate, brainstorm, and discover even better ideas & solutions.

Separate ‘good girl’ from ‘good person’

Avoiding honest conversations (like giving feedback to your underperforming direct reports) just isn’t a good look. Face the challenge with care, compassion, and truth. Being real about what you need, want, & expect doesn’t make you a bad person. It actually makes you a great leader.

Focus on being understood, not being liked

I used this strategy a ton with my team when I had to deliver less than pleasant news. They may not like it, or me for saying it, but they could always respect the information and the way it was delivered – with truth & kindness.

Most importantly, keep the parts of your ‘good girl’ that serve both you AND the world around you. Afterall, advocating for yourself & helping other people should go hand in hand.

You got this. I believe in you.

Cindy xo

Did you hear?? 

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Cindy Harvey is a Leadership Coach and Founder of Amelia Dee, a career strategy company for women. She has coached hundreds of clients on leveraging the power of energy & mindset to create success at work as well as designing a magnetic professional brand to make their next career move a breeze.

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